12 week doctor appt

Friday was a scary yet anxious day. I was headed back to the doctor to find out if things had actually settled down or it was just a tease. Zeus got half the day off so he decided he would go with me. Don't quite understand why he would not but that's Zeus for ya.

 So we go in and they had scheduled an ultrasound as part of the Sequential screening. So we go in and it was a beautiful room with lots of space. Could be neat if our HP's ever get to come out. But Zeus was a nice guy and took a few pictures and videos to share with everyone. The sonographer was so wonderful, she even made us a CD with pictures to share. Totally didn't have to.

It was fun to see the difference from the last ultrasound 3 weeks ago to today's. We have a completely formed baby growing right on schedule. It was fun to see. Very different when it is not yours but still amazing that coconut is in my belly. Lots of emotions, but not the normal emotions. I can't explain it.

Isn't that amazing. you can clearly see coconuts nose, chin, a belly and a little foot. Coconut's heartbeat is 171 and growing right on schedule. This is great news. Made me relax a little more.

Then it was time to see the doctor. Still a nervous wreck. Doctor was pleased with everything she saw. She did say that I will remain High Risk and will need to be monitored more closely than a normal pregnancy. I was OK with that. Then she said however you are released from bed rest. I smiled big and told her she made my day. Then she said she'd see me back in 4 weeks. Excellent news all around.

I headed off to the lab where I had about 11 vials of blood drawn. It was quite crazy to be honest, I was glad that I ate something just before the appointment.

What a great relief it was to think I was a free woman this weekend. I have never been to jail but I'd think jail had to be close to what it felt like to be closed up in my house for 6 weeks. Yuck, truly do not wish this on anyone else. So what's a free woman do? Well go for a slush at Sonic and then shopping at Walmart, of course. It really felt foreign to me. I wasn't sure what to do first.

Saturday we had soccer games, then got to go out to dinner with my family (first time in 8 weeks), then took the kids to let them ride go karts and hits some balls are the batting cages, and finally a stop by Garden Ridge for some much needed artificial flowers to spruce my boring house up. It has been a fantastic weekend.

I'm still very tired but I think that comes with being pregnant. I'll just have to take it slow for the next 6 months but at least I have earned some much needed freedom.

Thank you all for the continued prayers of support. I know God is good and he is in control. This is his plan. your prayers are always welcomed and have proven to be life savers. Thank y'all so much for caring about me and my desire to take this journey. As hard and as emotional as it has been I know God is carrying me. I am blessed and I thank you all with all my heart.

God Bless all my wonderful Bloggie Buddies.

Special days

Lately life had gotten rather boring, but do you blame me. I mean seriously, lay in bed, lay on couch, go pee and repeat. That had become the existence of my life. Luckily I was authorized last week to attend my precious children's soccer games provided I was not actively bleeding.

Saturday, All four of my babies had games. I woke up early to help make sure everyone was eating and had all their shin guards and matching socks for their uniforms. First thing as I walk to the couch my Omega says, Mom are you bleeding? Was this really coming out of the mouth of my 10 yr old. He just asked if I was bleeding. Ummm, not your normal first question of the day. I answered, NO, will all the speed he could acquire in 20 feet he dashed at me to give me the biggest hug and say, That means you can come to our games. I smiled so big. A tear came to my eye, as I had made his day. Inside I felt panic. I didn't ever want to be the absent parent but for the last 4 weeks I had been. Especially in my babies eyes. This made me question myself and my intentions to help someone else. For just a minute. Then I realized, I was giving them the opportunity to feel the same way I did at that very moment.

Saturday turned out to be an incredible day. I got to see goals scoreed, soccer balls head butted, and 4 sweet babies running in the wind loving life. What more could a Mommy ask for? But Zeus had more in mind. He had dreamed up a mystery dinner. He wanted to have people over to give me something to smile and laugh about. It was a great idea. I was able to have friends over and have something to chat about other than the negatives of life. It truly was fun to see all the fun costumes and here the funny voices of the characters. It was perfect.

I'm still battling nausea, some days the toilet gets lots of love. Not my favorite symptom I've ever experienced and never giving love to a toilet. But, the bleeding has slowed and has disappeared on many days. That has been wonderful at times.

I have gotten a few cards in the mail that have added to the smiles and my neighbors have decided to come visit me. It has been helpful.

Pray is awesome and I ask that you continue to pray. Friday we find out if I shall be released from the bed rest. Prayers from you all I must say have been a blessings and I'm thankful.

The Little Train That Could

Hey Guys hows yall's holiday weekend? Mine, well let me just share with you.

So Thursday, Friday were complete blood free and cramp free days. It was wonderful. I was feeling really good and was really looking forward to my doctors visit on Wednesday. I thought If I went in with several solid "normal" days she would release me from this awful Bed rest/ Pelvic rest. Friday, Zeus spent almost his entire day cleaning our house. He worked so hard to vacuum, steam the floors, scrub the kitchen, grocery shop, sort and start the laundry. I mean he was moving. It was awesome. He's a keeper. I love him. Don't get any bright ideas, I'm not sharing ladies.

Saturday I woke up feeling really good. Again another "normal" day. Things had really been looking up. I was feeling good and my appetite had finally returned. I was actually able to down a glass of milk. Woo Hoo. That has been many weeks since I have been able to do that. So the day was a rainy day as Isaac arrived helping our extreme drought situation a bit. We watched movies and hung out as a family, helped Omega with some extra credit homework and some trumpet playing. It was fun. Even from the couch. Zeus was researching brain puzzles so we turned the TV off and spent 2 hours as a family solving brain puzzles. That was fun and the kids really enjoyed trying to figure out some of the puzzles or should I say trying to beat Mommy and Daddy with the puzzles. They did really well.

While lying on the couch I felt something weird and then smelt something even weirder. I was on the phone with a friend at the time so I ran to the bathroom, yes still on the phone. I do this often, don't be surprised. I promise I'll mute myself so you can't hear me. Nevertheless this time wasn't good, I needed new underwear and had to jump off the phone quickly. After having Zero and Zeus help clean me up I was back to bleeding and cramping. Another huge bummer. In hate ruining underwear, Don't you? Now I was worried what the Doctor would say or if she would release me I, if I was bleeding just a few days before her visit. So the rest of the night I lay still as I can be to avoid any extra pain other than what I was already dealing with. It was mild-medium cramping, kinda like something you would experience during menstrual cycle. Thankfully, Zeus got me some tylenol to dull the pain as much as I could. I can't explain it. No reason why this is happening. No idea what is causing it. No idea when or if it will ever stop.

Its been 3 weeks now. Yes, seriously I have been in this house for 3 weeks. This is crazy. I'm beyond frustrated at this point. Wishing that one day real soon I can return to my family. I know my children are fed up with me being "lazy" and I know they don't completely understand why I have to lay here when I "look" fine. I know they miss having Mommy to do things for them. Daddy tries, but can not do things like Mommy. I'm feeling terribly guilty for my babies. This was suppose to be happy times. But they are not happy with Mommy down all day. I'm feeling a bit defeated.

Yall's love and support has been so helpful. The sweet notes, messages and surprise packages really help me put on my "happy face". Thank you all for the love and prayers. You are wonderful friends and I'm glad you are each in my life. Wouldn't be who I am today without the majority of you. I'm remembering that special little book and with yall's help this little train that could will get through this someday.

Blessings to all of you and please continue to ask God to watch over us. This is his will and I pray that the lessons he is teaching are being learned by all those that he is reaching out to. I love my God and I praise him through this rocky road up the mighty hill. I know he's pushing me up the hill.

Love Love Love

Lots on my mind

Today my head is swirling. First off lets deal with the medical issues. I am back to bleeding after a short break. It's not too bad and seems to get better as the day goes by. I'm OK. I'm not better. I'm not happy. I'm just OK. I enjoy being able to share with all of you how this process is going. I appreciate all the positive comments, suggestions, and good prayers and thoughts.

But please, I do not need any negative remarks during this rough time of my pregnancy. If you don't like what I am doing or saying then please I ask you to stop reading and remove yourself from my page. I had to make this invite only due to the negative views and comments. This journey is meant to be positive. Its suppose to open peoples eyes to the world of infertility and the positive changes made within the medical community that allow infertile parents the opportunity to have biological children. I'm frustrated, I'll be honest. Today was a rough day on the emotional side. I'm thankful for family support and close friend support.

SACRIFICES

Surrogacy comes with a lot of sacrifices on both sides. But because I am a surrogate I will share my sacrifices so that if you are thinking of starting your own journey you are fully aware of what you are getting yourself into. Many don't.
1. Medical testing, numerous needle sticks, numerous trans vaginal ultrasounds. Lots and lots of blood testing, drug testing, STD testing.
2. The loss of family events and normal life. If on bed rest you will forfeit your normal life to follow doctors orders.
3. Tons and tons of questioning by Intended Parents. Some very negative and personal.
4. Subject to psychological exam for both the surrogate and her spouse.
5. Possible sour of relationship of Intended Parents and the Surrogate/Spouse.
6. Loss of sexual relationship. You are subject to being told not to involve yourself sexually with your spouse for many things. Prior to the Transfer there is up to a 2 week time of abstinence. For 3 days after the transfer. And when placed on Bed Rest and/or Pelvic rest which could last months. This is important to understand when walking this journey. It can really affect a marital relationship.
7. You subject your family to negative comments, opinions and frustrating conversations with people with negative perspectives.
8. Loads, and I mean loads of shots. Shots in the stomach, shots in the butt, shots in the arms. Ridiculous amounts of shots. In the hundreds. Many which hurt like nothing you've experienced.
9. Strict medication calendar that will affect mood swings.
10. You will need a lawyer whom you trust that works with surrogacy arrangements.
11. You agree not to travel for significant amounts of time during the pregnancy.
12. You agree to risk your life for a family to have a baby.
13. You sacrifice time with family to endure possible hospitalizations.
14. The need for a huge life insurance policy.
15. Health insurance that covers surrogacy. This can be tricky to find.

I could go on and on about the sacrifices. I have given up so much to get to 9 weeks of pregnancy.

HEART

My heart throughout this process was to give a family a child and receive 0, ZERO compensation. That's right folks, unlike the majority of surrogate's that receive thousands of dollars. I have chosen to give a family a baby for nothing. That's love. That's kindness. That's what listening to God accomplished. Sometimes people tell me I'm insane. Well, maybe I am and sometimes I might think I am for doing this without required gifts, required monetary amounts, required events, tickets or anything else. The reason I push through and continue this journey is because God asked me to, so I'm following his lead. Its not easy and this pregnancy makes this terribly difficult to keep putting one foot in front of the other but I look at close friends and understand it's people like me that make many peoples dreams come true. I didn't have to do it free of charge. I was trying to be nice and help someone not pay an arm and a leg for a child. I do it out of the LOVE in my HEART.

I leave tonight with this, Prayer is needed severely. I need my prayer warriors praying for all parties involved. This baby is healthy as far as we know and I will try my hardest to hand over a full term, healthy child at the end of this journey. Please I beg of you to pray that God will place his hands on all of us and remind us what is being sacrificed and why we are doing this. Pray for the bigger picture. Thanks Buddies, I thank you for reading and following my journey.

36 hours and counting.....

Can anybody guess what 36 hours and counting means? No ideas. Well I'll tell you.

Yesterday, which was my 32nd birthday I woke up first thing and being a pregnant woman we go straight to the bathroom. Don't stop to collect $200. I was pleasantly surprised to see I was blood free. I had to check 3 times to be sure. You know, because I could have been dreaming or something. Nope all three times were clean and clear. I wasn't dreaming, this baby, was real. I was cautiously optimistic since all three major episodes happened after a blood free pee. So after each bathroom visit I started telling Zeus, "2 pees no B", "3 pees no B". By the time I got to 10 I think he was getting agitated. I wasn't. I was so pleased. It was a great feeling. I was so glad that things were looking up.
So here we are 36 hours later and we are still B free. Woo Hoo, that is so wonderful. What a fantastic birthday present to have on your birthday.

 Today, the morning sickness is back with a vengeance. I guess it felt bad I was bleeding and cramping so it decided to lay off of its severity throughout the day most of the past week. Not today. Its raring its ugly head. Thankfully I've been able to fight back without any toilet trips. If its not one thing its something else during this interesting journey.

I must thank you to all of you who sent me text messages, facebook messages, phone calls and gifts wishing me a happy birthday. It is those simple things that really add sunshine to ones day. So again thank you. I love you all

Please continue to pray that I will soon be released from bed rest and pelvic rest. Please pray that coconut is doing alright. Pray for my many pregnant family and friends. Blessings Bloggie Buddies.

New Day Same Story

Anybody getting tired of sleeping? Yeah I'd imagine many of you would love to trade places with me for just a few days. Trade away. But really, let me just tell you I've reached the "I'm Done" with bed rest/pelvic rest. I've been down for 10 days and this stinks. I still have 10 more days. I missed awesome weather to be outside. I miss my flower beds, which are not being over taken by my Ivy since I'm no longer able to maintain it. I miss getting what I want to eat. The fun part of eating is browsing the pantry and fridge. I can't even do that. Seriously, what have I gotten myself into. Don't remind me.

Sooooo,  yesterday was turning out to be a great day. I felt great. I even showered and got dressed which only happens when I need to go to doctors. Being in the shower causing me to cramp pretty bad. But yesterday it was great. My bleeding had slowed and even once went to the bathroom and was blood free. I was thrilled. I told Zeus I think I'm getting better. He wasn't convinced. We crawl into bed and minutes after the lights went off I was feeling yucky AGAIN. I was not amused in the least bit. Got Zeus to help me out of bed and back to the bathroom. You have got to be kidding me. Another Bloody disaster. I must be living a royal nightmare. This is no longer funny. It was not enough for the doctor to be worried so back to bed when the cramps hit like a serrated knife sliding through my skin with an extra twist. This all started about 10:30pm and the pain lasted until 4am. NO JOKE. Today I was exhausted. Felt like I ran a marathon yesterday. I stayed in my bed until 11am because I did not have the energy or desire to get to the couch in the living room. I did end up moving to the couch. Luckily for me the blood loss throughout the day was minimal. Making me feel better that I was gonna make it. I have been lazy today. No shower, still in pajamas, no energy to get up.
So here I lay. Zeus has actually had a few  minutes to sit and hold me for a little while. Something that hasn't happened while he's been home. It was nice.

So tomorrow is my big special day. I'm bummed to be stuck to a bed or the couch. But that's what I signed up for. To carry a baby to term.

Please continue the prayers.

Check Up after ER visit

Today Zeus and I went in to see my regular OBGYN after our long night on Friday and rough morning on Saturday. The OB actually called to check up on us on Sunday. That was so nice. So today I started out with a little more bleeding. I'm not convinced it will ever stop at this point. But that's beside the point. I had a minor bit of cramping as well but nothing major that I could not just push through without meds. I mean come on I've given birth to four already. I can do this.

Its been a rough week emotionally and physically. I am so thankful you all take the time to read my story. It warms my heart so much. The biggest thing I take from this is the honesty from so many of you. So many have shared their own personal fertility, pregnancy or health secrets with me. That has made me feel so special and honored that you all felt I was worthy of telling such personal, emotional stories. I don't take that trust lightly. Thanks Friends. You all are inspiring.

Today at the Doctor after waiting over an hour to be seen. I'll forgive them this time since they were waiting on 31 pages of documents from the hospital. Finally in walks my doc, laptop and a stack of paperwork. She was prepared. We talked about the trials and statistics of pregnancy. Over 30% of pregnancies have a significant bleed during the pregnancy. WOW, big number. Funny how 0% of my 4 had this problem. But that's also higher when using IVF. She was pleased with the ultrasound results. Baby, Sac and Uterus look normal. She's thinking that the bleed could be coming from a small, 2mm, bleed within the amniotic sac located right beside the baby. It can bleed up to 20 weeks. OK, wait. I thought pregnancy was nice to not have to worry about staining clothes or wearing these ridiculous sanitary pads. Boy was I wrong. Its worse than a regular cycle. OK, so I understand this will be awhile. Doc says this is not a textbook pregnancy by any means and their is reason to be concerned but nothing she is overly worried about. Heartbeat was lower but within normal range (110-160bpm). OK that's good news. She didn't want or feel the need to check my cervix since my blood tests show rising HCG levels at normal limits. She did stress that I must remain on bed rest for another 2 weeks. STOP! You want me to lay in bed for 2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours and 20, 160 minutes. Hold up. That means my 32 birthday in mere days will require me to be confined to a bed. YUCK. This is no bueno. But I understand its for the health and safety of sweet little, or I mean awnry little coconut.  Poo! I'll oblige. Not that I want to. Doc did say that I can move back and forth from the couch to the bed though. That was HUGE for me. Since my hips and knees are starting to ache from this FIRM bed. The couch sounds like heaven, I'll take it. If only it was on wheels so I could enjoy this gorgeous weather. Maybe Zeus is gonna have to start opening blinds and windows so I can enjoy the fresh summer air I miss.

Zeus has been amazing. No really, he has put up with my crying, moaning, complaining, anger and needy behaviour. He has gently rolled me out of bed several times a day and walked me to the bathroom. He has fed me. Made sure I was drinking plenty and made sure I had things to keep me busy. He has put my clothes on for me. He gave me a shower. He even picked out clean underwear. Yeah, I took his man card with that one. I call it being a responsible husband. He is awesome. I'm so thankful his Boss and his Air Force Unit have given him time off to help me. I'm most grateful.

So, if you want to chat, email or message me. You can find me here at my house attached to a bed or couch. I'm available the next 2 weeks. Lets make a date.

So we continue to wait, hope and pray that I will heal quickly and return to my family as a Momma and wife instead of a patient and nuisance. My kids start soccer games on the 8th of September. It's my goal to be at all 3 games.

Thanks God for your hand and blessing through this process. I give God the glory for my strength, patience, love and continued motivation to follow through to delivery.

Blessings to all you wonderful readers, I love you.