Deteriorating health

Over the past few months I've fallen into bad health. On jan 1, I had a horrible hemorrhage that hospitalized me for a few days. I lost a massive amount of blood and truly thought I was seeing my final hours. Since then I've continued to bleed even through intense medication to stop the loss. Testing after testing has occurred. 

On Feb 19 I went in with the help of my mom to have a endometrial biopsy. It was extremely painful, like having a natural birth. Intense pain with only ibuprofen on board, boy was I hating life and so glad my mom came to stay with me. Once the results came in I was a wreck, could I really actually have uterine cancer? Would it show other things? Questions after questions swirled through my head and were asked by my many concerned friends. I was numb. But anxious. 

Well doc called on a Sunday afternoon. Oh boy, this can't be good. So I listen closely and hear the words "it's not cancer". Oh my the relief. I was so happy and grateful until he said the magic word BUT.  Not again, What now? He says I believe you have uterine polyps. The test is not definitive but showing high probability. Yikes, I didn't even know what those P thingys might be. After I got off the phone saying a quick prayer of relief and nerves I googled polyps. Less than 14% of women under 40 ever experience these little invaders. 

Doc said I needed a saline infused ultrasound, a test where clear sterile fluid is pushed through a tube into the uterus. Then a probe is inserted to see if these little polyps can be seen.  It took several days to schedule and get it on the books, thankfully Zeus was able to get the time off as well to drive me. 

That test was this past Friday morning. It was a different doc, a very thorough, informative, relaxed and honest doc. She was so amazing. Made me feel so comfortable, well as comfortable as you can be with tubes, clamps and probes hanging out your lady parts. She insisted Zeus stand up and look over her shoulder to see what she was seeing. She said he and my uterus were good friends already, always have to have a little humor. It was merely seconds after two healthy, clear ovaries were discovered that she stumbled upon my polyps or in her words a forest of polyps. I asked how many, she said too many to count. She showed my the screen and I was shocked, maybe more stunned. What should be a smooth oval looked more like bumpy, massively curvy oval with no smooth straight lines. Nope, imagine a forest all chopped to stumps . That's about what the inside of my uterus looks like. Wasn't the best news I've heard in a while, my heart sank as the sadness  overwhelmed me. Here I am waiting for the hammer to drop, thankfully doc believes a two part surgery can be successful to remove these little invaders. I most likely will be able to save my womb. I'm beyond terrified of a hysterectomy. I'm emotionally attached to this organ and can't lose it anytime soon. I might even want to use it again.  A D&C and polypectomy both done in the same time to remove all the foreign matter still wrecking havoc in my uterus. This will be an outpatient, IV sedation surgery with a Recovery of 2-3 days. All this will happen pretty quickly. I'm hopeful that with this surgery and medication change that I'll be able to get back to myself and lose the over 30lbs I've acquired since my Jan episode. I'm looking forward to returning to physical labor, shopping, workouts without embarrassing wardrobe messes which occur all too often these days. I'm ready to return to the 

strong, tough person I used to be. I'm ready to be a wife and Momma without fear of what my body will do to cause me to back out or back off my ambitions. Please say a prayer these stubborn polyps will quietly leave my body and that recovery will be fast and smooth. I'm hopeful. I need something really positive here. The past two years have been such an emotional roller coaster and wild health ride for me. I need a bit of time for me to get comfy in my own skin. Let's do this, who's with me?

Pumping station AKA Momma Milk Depot

Hey there we are 4 weeks postpartum now and coconut is officially 4 weeks/1 month old. Wow, that's just crazy. I'm healing but it's an extremely slow process. Still very painful but I'm managing.

So I'm pretty busy these days. Every 3-4 hours I hook myself up to this little machine, (Breast pump) even in the middle of the night. I stay attached for about 15-20 minutes. After that time I have anywhere from 8-12oz of liquid gold, or breast milk. All the bottles get emptied into bags. I write the date and my famous number and they go directly into my freezer. Over the past 3 weeks, since Coconut left I have frozen some 300 bags of milk. Very soon the shipping will begin.

What am I doing with it, you ask? Well as I am always trying to reach out and help others around me. This time I will use my milk to help. My milk is being donated to a milk bank, tested, and broken down into smaller packaging and distributed yo hospitals across the country to NICUs and used for preemies weighing less than 3lbs. My breast milk will help those mothers unable to produce and babies too sick to eat anything else. It's a dream I've wanted to do for many years. It's a calling from God. I thank God that I'm an over producer. I'm a lucky girl who got to breast feed my 4 children problem free with leftovers. Today I get to be an angel to thousands of babies who'll never know me but who'll have life because God allowed me to help them and their families.

How long will I donate? I don't know. We will see how I can fit it into our lives. I hope for several months. But I'll leave that to God and his will and I'll just follow.

Here's some pictures for your delight. We now have 3 shelves in our freezer full of this milk. Enjoy

2 weeks postpartum

Hello my dearest friends and family-
Today marks the 2 week anniversary of the birth of my very first surro baby. Can y'all believe its been that long? I can't. Coconut seems to have settled in well to his home is Seattle. He is getting daily visitors and has become quite the superstar these days. Athena had to create a visitor sign up already to avoid too many at a time. Apollo is back to work and Charlie Mae is the perfect guard dog.

I'm grateful to be included in pictures and small updates here and there. I hope this continues.

Today I'm still moving slowly and thankful that Zeus is still home for a few more days. He has been a wonderful help to me. Although every time I come to the living room he has rearranged another piece of furniture or added another piece of furniture, it's rather annoying.

I'm working on finishing all the details so that I can begin shipping breast milk to the preemie bank. It's amazing how much milk I'm pumping. We are talking about 50oz a day. I'm pumping every 3-4 hours and going through milk bags like crazy. We plan to pump for several months and donate to the bank for preemie babies born smaller than 3 pounds in NICUs across the country. I'm thrilled I can help other families. Our freezer looks like a milk depot itself. It's a whole lot of milk. I teased Ryan and the kids that when I'm back to cooking to look out I might use breast milk! They didn't think it was funny, but I sure did.

I've lost 25 pounds since giving birth with many more to lose. I am back below the 200 mark and that feels great. My blood pressure has completely normalized as well. I'm glad of that. So no more beta blocker for me, yeah!!! I'm down to minimal medication with little pain meds as well. My incision is looking pretty good. Most of the glue has come off and it's healing well. I measured it recently and it was 7.5 inches long. Quite the opening if you ask me. It's still very sore, my stomach itself has some physical bruising and it is very tender to the touch. It is painful to wear pants or anything touch the skin below my belly button for more than a few minutes. So that has limited my clothing options. Thankfully I've been home most the time so I can wear nightgowns, summer dresses or tshirts and be comfortable. I'm gonna attempt to lay on my side in bed tonight, we shall see how long I can stand the pain and uneasiness.

My mental well being is improving daily. I can say his name and not cry. However I'm still emotional and miss him and his little kicks and seeing him on the ultrasound weekly. I miss my growing belly. It's still hard to believe I'm not pregnant any longer. I'm keeping busy with plans for our upcoming move and trying to locate a house. I should be able to drive on Monday and that should help too. I only have 2 vases of flowers still alive from all the beautiful arrangements sent. They are special. I just love fresh flowers and have been lucky to have them here since valentines day. Although these will be gone soon :(

God is alive and guiding me through this emotional time. I pray a lot. If I'm by myself I'm probably praying. I haven't been on the phone much because I'm still trying to get myself together. I'm sorry if I haven't called you or visited, but I'm still recovering. I'd rather talk to God right now so I hope y'all can understand. It shouldn't be too much longer but time will only tell. I'm kinda in seclusion and I like it that way for now. I'll want visitors soon I'm sure. But it just takes time

I got coconuts diaper cake finished today and have a few things to put together before I mail him his first of many boxes from us. I never imagined having these feelings for another child, let alone one that wasn't mine. However, I carried him like he was my own, actually I was more cautious with him than my own. So he'll forever be my baby, just my surro baby.

I appreciate all the prayers y'all have given and continue to give. They are so helpful and have been amazing. I appreciate all the cards and love and kindness you all have shown me as well and I hope that never stops. Through this journey I've learned so much more about so many of you. I've grown close to many and felt great love from y'all as well. Although the pregnancy has ended this journey is not over. It will never end. I hope you'll continue to read my story as we watch this guy grow. Thank you again and God bless you all!!!

Nice to meet you, so long Coconut

Wow, yesterday was intense emotion for this momma. Never imagined how'd I feel when this day finally came. Many people along my journey asked how I thought I'd feel about it. I usually just said I wasn't sure, I'd never done this before. I tried to think that it would be a none issue. Boy was I ever wrong. God is awesome. But he also made is human and made us feel for a reason. For this, my motherly instincts kicked in and those maternal feelings were 100% intact. Those feelings are both a blessing and a curse in this specific situation. We are meant to protect our young especially if it comes from our own body. But god did not create a compartmentalizable brain for birthing mothers, at least not in this one.

So yesterday afternoon coconut met all his goals and was released out into the world from the care of the Cardinal Glennon doctors and nurses. He was now to begin his new chapter with his anxious parents. We were so lucky to have been rewarded with a 2 hour meet/greet with the lil guy at his parents St Louis hotel. My children had waited months for this day. And thankfully it had finally come. I was a wreck. Not sure if I was to be thrilled for my own children to meet their "womb mate" or if I was scared or terrified. I wasn't sure what was flowing through my veins. I just knew I needed it to happen and so did they. Zeus carefully drove through pouring rain into the city. He has had no real emotion through the whole 12 month process. I was appreciative to him so willing to help me complete my calling from God. So we arrive and he drops is off at the door while he parks the car. My mind was moving faster than my body could. Would I remember to take pictures? Would I get enough of the special moments? Would I get enough time? How would I keep it together? Man the questions were swirling. As we walked the halls I could feel my kids excitement growing more and more impatient as we got closer to the door. Then there it was rm 331. Just behind that door was a family I created with Gods help. Knock knock knock, Zulus hand softly taps the door and it opens and in we walk and there he is laying peacefully in his Mommas arms. My eyes welled with tears but I fought them back. After washing their little hands Zulu was first to hold him followed by Ziggy, Omega and finally Zero, who has so longed for this moment. It was beautiful. I was proud. They were each so gentle and loving. Each in awe of how little yet commenting how big he was for a belly. It was a precious moment for me. Zero was honored to be able to feed him a bottle while I helped burp him. Omega got to help as well. Then I got to hold him, smell him, kiss him and tell him how much I've enjoyed our time together and that I'll always love him. Secretly in my heart I didn't want to let him go. But I know he wasn't mine and I signed the line saying he belonged to them. With no biological connection you'd think it'd be easy to hand him off. Heck no, that's most difficult thing I've ever endured in my life. I felt so comfortable with him. Our time together was one of the rockiest roads I've ever traversed. You can read through my blog as see how bumpy it became and then it ended so abruptly. I rolled over in a pool of water 4 weeks shy of his due date, just 48 hours after my niece Kendall Grace was born. I knew it was over. I knew it would end in a c section. I knew he would be smaller than full termers. I had to just get through it.

However I missed getting maternity pictures. I missed having birth pictures. I missed seeing his parents faces the first time they saw him or touched him. I didn't get to be a part of that. I missed holding him. I missed happily handing him off in the blanket that's being made for him. I lost so many things during this that I may never fully recover mentally from the pain or frustration.

I do know that I helped a man and woman complete their dream of parenthood. The sight of that birth certificate with no mention of my name was terribly painful.

So today as his parents board that plane bound for Seattle all I can do is cry. Tears of joy for an entire extended family that they will all be introduced to this amazing life and tears of sadness of the sudden loss that flows through my mind, body and soul. I'm so very glad I got to do this. I love the amazement of creating babies. It's awesome feeling. I may want to do this again. How soon, only time will tell but will I ever act upon it God is the only one who knows.

So today I have these pictures and moments for memory. Hope you enjoy!

Blessings

Coconut forever in my heart

Today I was so blessed to get another chance to see, hold and feed this precious little baby. I get giddy knowing I can see him. The feeling I get is like when a girl is waiting for her date arrive. She's giddy, nervous, excited but terrified and a little scared. But with each step through that hospital I heart beats faster and faster. When I turn the corner to his little NICU room the tears well up in my eyes. It's so emotional. There's sadness that I'll soon not be a daily part of his life. There's happiness that I was privileged to make a family. There's fear that my light in his life will diminish. There's joy for his grandparents that their children can finally experience parenthood. There is hope that he'll always know me, and that I can be his "auntie" and that he'll be told from early on our story together. There is no doubt that this baby will forever hold a place in my heart, I'll never forget him. I'll never forget his life growing in my tummy, his untimely birth and all the steps in between that lead us to March 6, 2013. I honestly don't know how his parents will include me or I'd they'll include me in his life. My heart hopes I'll be his aunt, that I'll get pictures, invitations, cards, letters, drawings. But I can't be sure this will happen and for that I'm super concerned. Coconut is not biologically mine, but that doesn't change the year long process we've gone through to get him safely here. I hope the pain subsides and the hope triumphs my soul. I know God chose me to walk this road and I'm his loyal daughter listening and following his lead. It's terrifying. I've been allowed to fall in love with this little baby and that love is forever. I'm continuing to follow Gods path for me. I'm not sure why this road was so dry, dark, bumpy and terrifying. It's his plan and I keep reminding myself that I've got to let him lead me. My prayer tonight is that God continues to hold me up and allow me to accept whatever he has in store for me. I never wanted to bring more babies home for Zeus and I to raise. But sharing my body with this little guy this past year has changed my view on family. He has become a part of my family. My own children learned to love him, rub him, kiss him, feel him and care for his health as he grew inside my belly. One hope I have is that they get the chance to meet him before he jet sets to the Pacific Northwest. I hope they can hold him, kiss him, rub him and say hello to the little guy they shared their mommy with for a whole year. I want my kids to have a chance to see him with his parents. I know they will soon forget of him in my belly but not of our families journey to bring forth this life. If you asked me today if I'd do this again I'd tell you no. I love to easily to let another life go. But that could change some day later in life . But for today I love 5 little children that grew in my belly. 4 left me with stretch marks and sore hips, but stayed to make their mark on my life daily. But 1, who's not mine has left a slash on my stomach, sadness on my heart and will be raised hundreds of miles from me. I'll never know how this story ends but I know that these children will forever have their names carved on my heart, in my mind and make me proud to be their protector, birther and creator. My life is blessed.

Hard day

Today started out rough. We were forced to have a c section after I woke up in a puddle at 1:30am. The baby was still breech and sitting very high up. I was very disappointed. I wanted a normal vaginal delivery but coconuts health wouldn't have faired well that way. So after seeing doc at 7:30am we were in the OR by 8am. I hated the needle prick, the numbness and the lack of control. After all the pulling and tugging, coconut came out and I was able to glance at him. He needed help breathing so Zeus couldn't hold him nor could I. Once I was stitched up Zeus came to my recovery room telling me that coconut was headed to the children's hospital. I immediately went into a mental shutdown. I was crushed. They wheeled me into a normal room and a few minutes later they wheeled this massive contraption into my room so I could take a peek. From 3 ft away, through a plastic box I had to let him go. It was dreadful. I couldn't believe I'd let this happen. But after that it was me dealing with this enormous pain in my heart and the horrid pain of having my stomach sliced from hip to hip. So I was left, with Zeus, thankfully to traverse this new road. Zeus made it better by bringing my babies to see me and have dinner with me. It was so special. He's a good guy. I also was sent some gorgeous flowers that brightened the day a little more, thanks D &T. So here's a few pictures.

30 wks Successful

We are just cruising right along folks. Yesterday was my 30 wk appt and it went great. My weight, BP and Fundal height are all normal. Mr. Coconuts heart rate is about 145 so he is doing fantastic.

I'm a single mom right now since Zeus is deployed to that awful desert place. I'm thankful its only a 4-6 wk deployment. Thanks God. But it gets interesting around here when he is away. I have to put super mom wings on and push through the issues. I had a pressure sensor come on in my car so I needed air in my tires. Have you ever seen a pregnant woman try to put air in her tires when it's below 20 degrees? HAHAHA, yeah I did attempt to do that Tuesday night. Clearly it did not go very well. So I asked the wife of one of Zeus' co-workers if he could help me this morning. Thankfully he obliged and was able to safely get the right amount of air in my tires without having to stand up 5 separate times. I was wonderful. I'm so very thankful. It's funny how when Zeus leaves crazy things happen around here. Always, thankfully we have not had a hospital trip yet and hope to not have one any time soon.

The kids are really starting to question this baby and the ins and outs of how he is gonna arrive. Their questions are good, don't get me wrong, however they are super curious children and some of these questions have been rather tough to answer. But nonetheless their interest has been raised a ton as the bulging basketball gently turns into a beach ball.

Doctor says we will be seen again in 2 wks and at that point it will be every 4 days or twice a week however you want to look at it. So I may need to set a play list on my phone for the fun trips back and forth. Its all for precautionary reasons since I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure 10 weeks ago. It for the safety of both me and Coconut. Not great news as these appt.s will last much longer but hey its what's right for the lil guy.

So here's a fun picture of my oldest two boys, Omega and Zulu imitating my pregnancy.

So life is continuing on week by week as we get closer and closer to the arrival of Mr.Coconut, who I hope has a name real soon.

Blessings.
Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts through this journey.
Twinkle

Mr Coconuts first Santa picture

Today my family had breakfast with Santa at the youth center on base. It was super yummy. We played games and had lots of fun. We thought it'd be fun to share Coconuts growth progress. Didn't want to leave him out. I have been slacking in belly photos, so here's a special one.

22 1/2 weeks along.
Lots of headaches
Strong kicks
Growing belly
Hypertension controlled

Just a few highlights of this pregnancy. Things are moving along quite nicely. So glad it's christmas time, I LOVE this time of year.

Blessings Bloggie buddies

22 weeks

Thankfully bloggie buddies we made it to 22 weeks. Each day seems different from the last. I've been on the beta blocker meds for 2 weeks now, continually checking my blood pressure and they seem to have it regulated. However I have a side effect that is pretty nasty. The biggest is the dull, lingering headaches. They stink. I've never gotten many headaches in my life and these are manageable just not enjoyable and really make me rather irritable, ask Zeus. I'm overly tired all day too. So I go back to the doctor tomorrow to check make sure BP is still good, which I know since Zeus bought me this nifty little machine/monitor.

I'm doing pretty good other than that. Mr. Coconut is getting stronger by the day and really is starting to kick me or punch me in the bladder. It's crazy cause Ill walk out of the bathroom only to return minutes later. Him being breech makes those kicks much lower. It's different then my four babies were. Hopefully within the next 2 months he'll turn himself around.

I'm looking forward to the holidays, are you guys. It exciting since my brothers wife, my sister, is expecting a little girl 4 weeks before me and Zeus' brothers wife is expecting 2 days before me as well. We have several expecting cousins and 6 friends all pregnant right now. It's a bit crazy. But makes me smile. I do love babies. I'm hoping with 2 sisters expecting it'll lessen the blow of the official birth and handover. But we'll see.

Blessings to all you wonderful readers. I ask your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy and for doctor to keep me off of bed rest. Thanks friends.

Love,
Twinkle

National News

The news is my favorite thing to read, watch and search. Most of my close friends and family can tell you that I am a little obsessed with knowing what happens in the world around me. That can be good and bad these days.

But this week it just so happens to be a good thing. Like most mornings, I turn on the Today Show to see what is happening while browsing the web news sites. It just so happens that the Today Show covered Surrogacy in a very positive segment this week. Most magazine articles, TV shows and news stories show a more negative side of surrogacy. I was pleased to see the positive segment.

http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/49286326

Here is the link if you would like to watch the segment. It is interesting to see what others think and how it is viewed. I am glad that it is finally not such a Taboo subject anymore. Its important that people have options. I'm thankful for those willing to stand up for these way to parenthood.
I wouldn't mind doing a news story at some point about the process, the support, the love and the reason why I chose this route.

I thank you all for reading and continuing to follow me.

I'm in my 14th week and each day is different. Some days I crave fish, others its cranberries, some its bell peppers, rice. Each day it changes. The nausea is still around but it minor. As long as I've got something in my belly I'm usually OK. I really have to watch what I eat and how much of it. I have indigestion that horrid and heartburn when I eat too much spice. The belly gets bigger by the day and I'm officially in maternity clothes. I was able to buy a maternity coat this past week so that the winter days are not miserable.

I had to sit my babies down the other night and try to understand the significance of this pregnancy and the consequences of their actions around me. It was not fun but needed since I have 3 rambunctious boys. I was sad watching them cry when I explained the consequences. I hadn't envisioned the need to explain all this to them but they can't understand completely the importance of this sacrifice. They just want Mommy but Mommy has to be very careful since we are so High Risk. Being a surrogate, you never understand what your own kids might feel, go through or imagine. I now know mine still have not grasped this completely even the oldest. It's huge. So I ask you pray for my babies to accept this sacrifice and that Zeus and I find a way to make them feel special and a part of this process. Tough Time.

I ask for continued prayers for coconut, myself, Zeus and the HP's. Blessings to all of you. Glory to God that we made it another week.

Blessings

Ultrasound #2, Do You See What I See?

Bloggie buddies, welcome back to the latest update in the world of surrogacy.

Today is the day we make or break this journey. Today we needed to see/hear a heartbeat and measure a fetal pole. I've been really feeling pregnant by the symptoms of  nausea, tiredness, sore breasts, bloated belly. So I figured things would be fine today. I know Apollo and Athena were really nervous and anxious. But thankfully they are on vacation with parents so they are staying busy.
Ultrasound went great today, technician even let me take some pictures and video to share with y'all. Wasn't that nice? I thought so.

We have a Baby, folks. Coconut is its new nickname. Coconut has a heartbeat about 132 bpm. That's perfect for almost 7 weeks. Coconut also has a fetal pole showing its growth and viability. Our little Coconut is measuring perfect. Aren't you guys excited?

Yesterday while cooking dinner I had a bit of an episode. Oh yeah, steamed broccoli is a NO NO until I'm no longer nauseous. It was so bad, thankfully sweet Zero took over and finished since Zeus continues to be out of town. She's such a great helper. Never had that happen before. That's my first trigger, broccoli. Thanks to Zero, she put it on the erase board so everyone knows not to have broccoli around Mommy. Quite the evening.

Todays appointment concludes that we have been released to a regular OBGYN with a scheduled appointment for the 28th. That's super exciting as I receieved the approved referral to the Doctor that I wanted yesteday in the mail. She's rated in the top 15 in the country. Not to shabby.

Anyone wanna see the pictures? yes, no. I thought you'd never ask.

Blessings

The black stuff is the amniotic fluid surrounding little Coconut.

Gotta turn your head for this one, it was being stubborn and would not turn. But you can see our little Coconut.

Little Coconuts heartbeat as it is measured.

If you look at this video you can see Coconut has a fluttering heart, look close. There is no sound.

Blessings to all for your continued prayers

Our first sonogram

Thursday was our first sonogram. There was a lot weighing on this appointment. We were not completely sure it was a viable pregnancy. It was scary going in thinking I could need surgery or a heavy medication. I had assured myself I was not having an ectopic pregnancy. So it was a long drive in to the doctor. I also was thinking how Apollo and Athena were doing, what could they be thinking or feeling? Did they understand all this medical jargon?

So the appt was about 11am. I got into ultrasound pretty quickly but the tech was silent and didn't share much info at all. She did show me my uterus and the area that a sac could be in if there was one but really was vague about seeing anything. After she was done, about 30 minutes they took me to another room to see the doctor. It took over an hour before I got to see him. So I sat half naked on the table waiting patiently, or impatiently since I was to take my daughter to the orthodontist in 45 minutes. During that time Zeus got stuck at an awards ceremony and couldn't take Zero. So while on the table I called Ortho and rescheduled her appt later in the month since it was not looking good that we would make it on time.

Then a while later the doc came in. He had a solemn look. That scared me even more. First thing he said was my tubes looked clear for now. We would need to monitor them carefully over the next few weeks. Huge relief. Like enough for him to recognize my reaction. Then he said they could see two sacs in the uterus. He shared that was great. We had one precious embryo attached correctly to my uterine lining. That was wonderful. I know most people were hoping for 2 babies but our main goal was one baby. And thankfully the Lord is in control and he gave us one. So at this point we are
Measuring on time for a due date of April 2, 2013.

We now must schedule a second ultrasound to measure fetal pole and baby heartbeat. During this time I need my insurance to refer me to an obgyn. On Friday Zeus and I went in to chat with the OB coordinator. It was a long chat explaining that Catholic hospitals don't deliver surrogate babies and we needed a slightly different referral than most. Hopefully that goes through soon so we can get this second one done and we can relax for a bit.

I will ask for prayers as Zeus is leaving for a while and my super mom wings will be on in full force. Pray that my referral gets approved. Pray that the shots will go away real soon since my booty is beyond sore. I'm not sleeping comfortably since my poor rump throbs when I lay on it. Pray for a continued normal pregnancy.

Blessings bloggie buddies

Last weekend of non-pregnant woman

This has really been a crazy busy weekend. It started out first thing Saturday morning meeting our HPs for breakfast. Then family stuff all day and meeting with friends that night then Sunday we went to church, all 18 of us. That was moving as God continued to speak to me. I really enjoyed the service. Then we were off to the Ranger game. It was awesome!!! The Rangers beat Seattle at home 4-0 with Ian Kinsler belting a homer. I loved being at the game with all the family. It was a real treat. Even watching some see their first professional game ever. Then all the babies got to run the bases on the field. That was super cool to see.

Dad took the 18 of us and Apollo and Athena out for a wonderful dinner in downtown Seattle after the game. It was really nice and extremely yummy. Thanks Dad, great idea. Then it was off to the HPs house to prepare for tomorrows big embryo transfer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous but hugging my 2 sister-in-laws tonight really gave me the strength and encouragement I needed knowing that all the family was behind me 100%. I really wasn't sure how everyone felt about it but listening to them chat with Athena was really calming for me. I must say thank you to all my supporters through this process. I love you all and really do enjoy talking with all of you. Thank you.

Here's a few photos from today.

Please pray for our life changing day tomorrow as our journey gets REAL.

Blessings Bloggie Buddies

One down....

Oh mercy, I'm so thankful that today ingot to spend with my bestest friend in the whole world. Her and her amazing husband kept me distracted from tonight's no so fun event. We even made a deal which I will now be counting down the days.

Tonight I had to start the very first progesterone in oil injection. Not so fun. This is an intramuscular shot in the rear, butt, behind or whatever you wanna call it. I've been dreading it for months. No seriously, months. So after watching footloose and having a wonderful chat with our friends it was time for the event. So first thing I had to change my patches and go from 4 patches back down to two. That's never really a problem just a bit of a pain to do. Not painful or hard, just annoying. Once that was done I put I big ice pack in my underwear and wore that for several minutes until Zeus was finished walking the dogs. I got it all set up, using two separate needles, one BIG one to draw the meds and another to inject.

Zeus has had me freaked for weeks explaining that he would give it to me like his dad gives it to horses, slap, slap, pop!!! Talk about making my stomach churn. Heck no was he gonna treat me like that. So the whole time he's picking at me. If you know him you know he LOVES to pull my strings and make me mad, upset, irritated, agitated and downright annoyed. He was no different tonight. He acted like he was gonna be rough but he actually gave me the shot and I did not even feel it. He was gentle and joking in a loving manor. Tonight was huge for me. It went over very well.

So we are now in the home stretch. Less than 5 days until our big day, transfer of two precious frozen and thawed embies.

Keep those prayers coming. We hit the road tomorrow to finish our trip to Washington.

Blessings bloggie buddies

Ummm that's not right

Ok so the shots have been going pretty good lately until now. I didn't change any of my regular routine. Put the ice on, prepared the needle and then I tried to stick myself. Well it didn't go in as smoothly as the others normally do but I just pushed it in and released the medicine. After I pulled it out it bled and then it got his huge bump that looked green/purple like a bruise but very raised. It really freaked me out a bit. Asked Zeus and together we think I hit a blood vessel under the skin. I really don't care what I hit it sure did rattle me a bit. Immediately I decided to lay down hoping and wishing that it will go away and not burst and cover me with blood. Ewe now that would be freaky, don't ya think? Yea, maybe I should stay right here in bed avoiding the every 5 minute cover lifting to check the size of my latest bump. Looks like it is slowly getting smaller but I can't say for sure .

In other news we have our final ultrasound prior to transfer on Friday morning. This will tell us if the lining in my uterus is ready for a transfer in a few days. It's getting so close. If all is well then we will begin our travel across 2500 miles to our HPs fertility clinic.
Please continue to pray for safe travels, thick lining, no more bumps, and relaxing week for my HPs.
Blessings to all you bloggie Buddies

SIGNED. SEALED. DELIVERED.

Oh my goodness today has finally turned out to be a HUGE, and I mean HUGE relief.

Yesterday, well that day needs to just be erased from history. It was the worst day we have had throughout this whole process. I won't go into detail just know we were bantering back and forth with lawyers to finalize the contract. I think I cried more than I have in years. Puking, nausea, and sadness  were all experienced yesterday. Ewwwww, just not something I ever want to deal with again. So glad my eyes were not swollen shut today, just puffy.

Thankfully today is a new day. A sunny, warm, happy and tummy calmed day. A day with smiles. A day with positive communication. A day planning future trips. A day seeing Insurance Agents. A day of peace. A day of milestones.

 I woke up to a phone call from the lawyer. She is quick, which is amazing.  She had heard from the other lawyer and all was well with the legal agreement and we were set to sign. After receiving our copy in the late afternoon I ran, OK maybe drove but you get my drift,  to Zeus' work so we could have two, neutral, of age adults witness our signing and then sign as well. Nothing like telling someone 2 minutes before they are to sign something about our impending journey. Zeus has a way of doing that. HAHAHA. We found two gracious characters to help us complete our portion. Then we had to scan, attach and email it back to the lawyer. Many other copies will be sent through mail.

So happy we are done with that part of this journey. If anyone wants or is interested in ever starting their own journey I must say that this has got to be the hardest part thus far. But, with patience, love and loads more of love we are officially, legally bound to this journey. It's weird to finally be done with this MAJOR and I mean major step of the process. I never imagined finally making it this far. I am so thankful for all the prayers and for Gods hand in all this.

Today we are now mere days from starting the next big step. Medication, OK maybe not so much medication as INJECTIONS. Yikes, I'm a bit nervous as I will start while Zeus is in Ohio. But it's only 7 days right. I mean all I have to do is give myself 7 shots without him, should be no big deal right? NOT!!! Maybe I should teach my 11 yr old how to administer these. Ok, Ok, Ok not the brightest idea I've ever had but it sure sounds better than having to do it myself, doesn't it.  Man, I'm not sure how surrogates do this without a partner to support them and love them and ultimately stab them with a needle everyday. Oh well, he will be home very soon after that and then he can assume his husbandly duties of administering these ugly shots to his fragile wife. Stop laughing, I am fragile. OK, so maybe not, just don't tell him that. He's been AWESOME every step of the way. Especially yesterday, he was like Honey, my nickname, its no big deal, all will get worked out and life will go on while he sat in his office chair shrugging his shoulders without any sign of concern while I sat bawling my eyes out. Such a loving, comedian I live with and somehow love. After all that. It was a good day.

 We are finally SIGNED.SEALED. DELIVERED.

Look what I got today

Today I received a HUGE box from the nice UPS man. Ziggy actually intercepted the box and carried it in for me. He said WOW MOM, that's a big box. He's so sweet. But today the box that arrived is just another step in the process of baby carrying. It's full of medication. Ridiculous amount of medication.

Yeah that is a lot of medication that I will be using to get through this journey. It actually made me sick looking at it all. The sheets of needles and syringes increased the nausea feeling that overwhelmed me. I'll be honest here, I am not the best receiver of shots.

 OK, so when I was standing in that awful line while in basic training, just seeing the airman with injectors that looked like guns made me nervous, sick and weak in the knees. The first shot I almost hit the floor, but by the third one I could not put one foot in front of the other one and had to be carried to the seats below before I hit the ground. I get light-headed, dizzy, nauseous and don't feel well for about thirty minutes. This does not bod well for the upcoming weeks.

So, I'm hoping that the first injections that I must give myself in my abdomen are not going to be that bad. They are supposed to be smaller, diabetic needles.  I have exactly 11 days to come to terms with the fact that I will receive 16 weeks of these injections daily. That's 112 shots. Oh My Word, maybe I like the number 16 better. I think I have gone insane. Yep, maybe, probably, most likely, no most definitely, I have gone crazy to think these shots are going to be no problem. Well, I'll adjust. If not then we'll just have to give them when I have an hour to lay down. Maybe before bed. Not sure yet. But anyways this is an amazing process no less.

My family is beginning to make travel plans to the Northwest. We are so excited to get to meet the HP's. The kids are so excited to see Nana and Grandpa too. We also received some even better news today. Zeus is NOT deploying before next April. Yes, you read that right I almost did this journey alone. Thankfully God's hand is still at work. My God is an awesome God and knowing that I am sure giving myself these shots will be supported by God and he will give me the needed courage.

Please continue to pray for us through this process.

 I was told by Doctor the other day that we have an 81% chance of pregnancy and a 65% chance of twins. How amazing that would be to give my HP's not only a baby but two babies.

Stay tuned for more info.

Blessings Bloggie Buddies

My Dates

I got to talk with the Doctor today and she cleared me for medication. So you ask what that means? Well, starting June 11 I will be taking abdomen injections daily to prepare my womb for precious cargo. The injections will continue through 10 weeks of pregnancy. July 5 we ultrasound for lining check to make sure my uterine lining is plump and ready to receive that cargo.  My family and I will drive across the country after that for an embryo transfer target date of July 16. Yep, you are reading this right. I am getting pregnant on July 16. Man, I wish I was able to nail that day down when I got pregnant with my own sweet babies. But hey, after all my HP's have been through its OK to know that date this early. The process will begin shortly and I'm so busy with all the other events with my family that it will be here before I know it. Plus, I'm really excited about the thought that my babies get to see Nana and Grandpa and all their cousins this summer. Its nerve wracking, don't get me wrong. But I'm glad its happening.

What's funny, I tried to call Athena after my doctor call and her phone had died. It took me over 3 hours to get a hold of her and Apollo to share the news of our dates. Its really, really exciting. It shall make the weekend much more fulfilling for them I think.

Stay tuned as the updates keep blowing in.

Blessings on a relaxing holiday weekend and please remember all my brothers and sisters serving, and most importantly those we have lost to have this very freedom today. Happy Memorial Day.