Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bed rest

So Tuesday was a really rough day. From speeding ticket to ER visit it was an emotional day. Thankfully yesterday was a little better. Zeus was allowed to come home and will be replaced by a good friend. I was surrounded by my military family. With all our families living in Texas and Washington I didn't have loved ones to lean on. But I did, my military family has all stepped in the do what needed to be done. It's beautiful to feel this loved.

I did get to go to my OBGYN the first time yesterday. Pretty sucky circumstances, ya know. My OB is wonderful. Everything I needed her to be. She was confident, honest and helpful all while thoroughly answering my questions. We left knowing that we still had a baby on board. That was relieving. But she put me on bed rest and pelvic rest. Nothing or anyone comes near my hooha til next week.
Now it's simply a waiting game. Through all the pain, fear, sadness, and letdown I will remember God is here. This is his plan. This is his baby. This is his body. I'm just renting. I have to trust him. He will get us through the best and worst of this journey. He knows when it ends and if another begins.

I'll be honest. Today has sucked. I'm Lonely. Zeus is taking care of kids readying them for their first day of school tomorrow. I didn't have any visitors, besides the food delivery. Which by the way was awesome. I woke up bleeding heavily this morning, but much less than Tuesday night. As the day progressed it lessened to almost none. Then I sat up and played cards with my Zulu. After a bathroom visit I was bleeding again. So I told Zulu mommy had to lay flat and rest. That made me feel like such a jerk, I couldn't even play with my son. Who does that? I've been in bed all day fighting the urge to cry to get angry with the world. It came time together my shot and I didn't ice and let Zeus give it to me. That was the worst idea of the entire day. It burned and hurt so bad I got dizzy, lightheaded and even screamed loudly. I wanted to punch him. Especially when he had no sympathy. Can I just have my nurse or doctor come back and give me my shots? Now I'm so emotional it's retarded.
So here I lay with water fountain running, card table set up with my computer, phone, iPad, drinks and wonderful smelling candle. I'm bored, tired, frustrated, irritated and mad at the world. Please forgive me if I sound ungrateful or selfish. I'm just bitter as I'm pretty independent and controlling and I have to let go of my own body. Gods got this, right? Right. I'll keep telling myself that.
Pray my bleeding ends sooner than later and I heal properly. Pray I can carry coconut to term so that these more loving people can finally call themselves parents.

Bless you all for the continued prayers.

So Bed Rest it is!

2 comments:

  1. Oh honey, you've had a really tough week and it's okay to be angry and frustrated! It will get better, I promise. So if you're on bed rest for a while, think of it as an opportunity to catch up on reading or watching bad daytime television! :)

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  2. Praying like crazy for you guys

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